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I have just returned from jogging. I’m amazed to state this fact. It seems it might have been ten years since the previous time. Yet I recently discovered that my levels show somewhat raised cholesterol, and doctors suggested to engage in vigorous activity regularly.

It’s the initial instance in living memory that the driving force to exercise has been my physical health. During earlier years, I ran because I wanted to be thinner. At times I ran to manage nervousness – I was merely escaping from the anxiety, without confronting it. Sometimes, I jogged because I wanted to get better in running. It signified the meaning to me back then to develop a better life.

Jogging with altered intent now prompted contemplation about the methods I’ve related with my physical self over my lifetime and how this is changing as I move from early adulthood to midlife. I don’t think I’ve respected my body, not deep down. I’ve prized it just for its functions and the objectives it served me: seeking approval; avoiding feelings; achieving a quicker 5K run. Previously, I failed to grasp that I am my body, it is my existence, rather than a tool for outcomes.

A lot has been discussed through history about the split involving physical and mental aspects – a topic it’s comforting to know, I’ll avoid detailing here. What has struck me most fascinating is Sigmund Freud’s view that consciousness and physique are naturally unified right from the start, because physical maturation requires emotional evolution and the reverse is true. A baby’s bodily experiences – such as the physical sensation of hunger – propel the mind to cultivate the capacity to perceive hunger as a sensation that may be satisfied by eating; and the mental reassurance and fulfillment consistently provided by meal after meal feeds the young mind similar to the milk sustains them bodily. Likewise psychological experiences – like the wish to get up and grab an object, and the persistence to try again and again – are the reason and method muscles grow stronger. From our earliest moments, mind and body are interlinked in reciprocal evolution as unified as a spiral.

Yet I’ve observed, during therapy with my analyst, that my consciousness and physique might experience an alternate dynamic – a more separated and more exploitative. My psyche may employ my physique to hold and manifest elements that my consciousness views unacceptable or unacceptable. During therapy we’ve become aware how exist particular emotional states that I am afraid are too much for me; rather than experiencing them mentally, I unintentionally push them to my physical self, becoming trapped as physical symptoms.

I used to get digestive discomfort – not connected to what I’d eaten, but was a kind of corporeal reaction of the sharper sentiments I failed to handle psychologically. This was not a conscious choice, but when it was brought to my attention in sessions, and my fear and insecurity and rage and panic were experienced and articulated rather than changed into physical sensation, it resolved. It’s uncommon for me with digestive issues today.

The toughest period I had this terrible acid reflux, I failed to rest for many nights straight. I felt I was losing my mental stability. I consulted a general practitioner, who arranged various scans and tests, but everything was physically wrong. It was an alternate medic who suggested that the origin could be mental. My therapist did not disagree. I was stunned, but I also knew it was correct.

If an individual endures a physical symptom, they can be offended at the suggestion that there might be a psychological cause. It can seem this as being disrespected, being told that their illness is fabricated. And of course that does happen – individuals may experience their symptoms ignored or wrongly assessed. However, sometimes it’s possible that the corporeal issues exist – no question – and the source is emotional, the subconscious employing the physical self to manifest some pain or anger or any feeling the mind cannot tolerate. Occasionally, it’s easy to think our feelings is only valid if manifested through the body. We persistently neglect our psychological well-being personally, collectively and culturally; for what reason would we tolerate the appalling elimination of psychodynamic psychotherapy through health services?

Personal insights have revealed that a superior lifestyle cannot be created if we remain trapped unconsciously in modes of connection, within ourselves and in relationships, that originate in devaluation, exploitation and dealings. These interactions are frequently more straightforward to identify “externally” in wider society. It’s likely harder to consider how they got out there, and to identify these forms within ourselves and in intimate connections, in the dynamics of our psyches.

Yet persistence pays off. When I put my running shoes again following many years, heading out without aiming for physical improvement, or to get rid of a feeling, or to beat a personal best, {it